Thursday, March 20, 2014

Nauseating Chris Christie Fanboy Gets Christie to Flip on Gay Marriage

There are a lot of people in the Republican Party who are against gay marriage, but very few who take the special care to be as hypothetically prickish about it as New Jersey Governor Chris Christie, who invented gay children of his own just so he could tell them they can't get married. At a town hall meeting in Flemington today, though, Christie was coaxed into a new position by an attendee with an enticing offer of domestic bliss.

The guy opened up by telling Christie "You look better in person than you do on TV," and went on to offer his services as laundry, beer, and TV companion. Christie then asked the man if he wanted to get married, and was met with uncomfortable silence, followed by mutually uncomfortable laughter.

Yes, Christie was only joking, because fuck real people who want to get married, and fuck his own hypothetical kids. Maybe for his next act, Christie can ask a Fort Lee resident if he'd like an ambulance.

What's weird, though, is that this Chris Christie fanboy, who began with a display of gushing that would embarrass Chris Matthews, went on to press the Guv about his self-serving explanation of the Bridget Kelly firing. He's the first town hall attendee to bring up Christie's scandals so far.

Christie gave a long answer that you can read on his Youtube page, then shared a last special moment with his future non-husband. "I'll do the dry-cleaning, but not the shirts," the man said, and Christie lamented "You turned down my marriage proposal, as well, by your silence."

Sad face for Chris Christie's imaginary gay kids.

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